


Rabbit at the Academy

by Doug48



Series: Zoo 1.1 [1]
Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Gen, Mathematics, Police Academy, some language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-07 22:43:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15917784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doug48/pseuds/Doug48
Summary: We've all seen, briefly, the scenes with Judy training to be a cop. This is another one of those, but not one from the movie.





	1. Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Short chapters, but I wasn't sure where, exactly, to break this story and I didn't want one long chapter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why are you here?

“What a sorry bunch of mammals,” the hippo muttered to himself. It was Friday morning and he was supposed to be off duty today. Instead, one of the other instructors had come down with what the hippo was pretty sure involved “anal glaucoma” or “can’t see my ass at work today” and called in sick. The cadets needed training and the hippo was next on the roster, so here he was and here they were. All seven seated as usual when outside, in a semicircle. 

They were each paying a different amount of attention. The cute, and very small, female rabbit was paying the most attention to him, so he thought she had probably heard him. Most of the others were looking at the tarp on the ground nearby or doing the usual staring off into space thing in the manner of students everywhere. 

“I am Sergeant Lonix. As you can see, I am your instructor today. Sergeant Stone has a bad case of ‘not here’, so I’m here instead.” As he said this, the hippo paced in front of the class, hoofs on his hips, glaring at everyone, except the rabbit, who made eye contact with him. He always used the same introduction and he always said it in the same, loud, way, but this was the first time he had seen a rabbit in one of his classes. 

“Anyone care to guess what we’re doing this morning?” He asked. Or in other words, ‘Did anyone prepare for today’s lesson? He thought. 

The rabbit raised her paw, and the hippo smothered a curse. Of course the rabbit would appear to be the cadet paying the most attention. She was also the smallest one, dammit, and therefore entirely unsuitable for police work. “You, yes, you, kitty cat next to the carrot muncher. Why are we here?” 

“I don’t know. Ah, sergeant,” the young lion answered. He looked like he really did not know. As if he might just wander off at any moment and possibly chase a butterfly. 

The rabbit looked at the lion and then back of the hippo. Her paw was still up and her eyes had narrowed. 

“OK. Fine. Bunny rabbit, what is your name?” The hippo instructor asked. 

“Cadet Hopps, Sergeant,” the rabbit replied, in the correct, text book manner. 

'Of course it is,' the hippo thought. “Very good. Why are you here?” 

“To learn about street weapons, Sergeant,” she replied. Most of the other cadets, who most certainly had not read the syllabus, suddenly became more interested in the tarp. One or two muttered about what sort of ‘cool’ things might be under it. 

“Silence cadets! Speak only when I speak to you and ask a question. You’ve been here a week. Surely you learned that lesson?” They quieted down, and the hippo continued. “Weapons like these are not, in fact, cool. They are, in fact, your second greatest enemy. Your greatest enemy is the nut job that carries things like this in public and then tries to use them. On you. Because they think it makes them look cool.” 

“And as for you, rabbit, I meant, why are you here? Not here this morning, but here in my class at the Police Academy. You do know you’re too small to be an actual cop, right?” As he asked this, the instructor towered over the rabbit and made sure to, literally, talk down to her. 

“I want to be a police officer,” she replied. She showed no signs of fear. The nose did not twitch, and the ears were back, but not in fear, but more to keep them out of her line of sight as she looked up. 

“Well, I wanted to be a ballerina when I was your size, but my parents had other ideas and so here I am. What did your parents say about your plans, Hopps?”


	2. Middle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To make the world a better place

“They told me bunnies don’t become cops, sergeant. They said, 'bunnies don’t do that',” the rabbit replied. 

“Of course they did. Every parent wants what’s best for their children,” the hippo said. He was pushing the rabbit on purpose, of course. ‘If I can get her to quit with a few words, then she damn well don’t belong in a blue uniform!’ He thought. ‘However, if I can’t, then maybe she does belong? It’s simple really, unless I’m losing my touch.’ 

“Disobedient to your parents, are we?” The hippo asked. “I heard that rabbits don’t do that, either.”

“No, sergeant. They didn’t forbid me. They just told me it was a bad idea and asked me, many times, why I was doing it,” the rabbit replied, calmly. 

“So? Why are you doing it?” The hippo asked. Now he was back in front of the class, and further away from the bunny. 

“I want to make the world a better place, sergeant,” the rabbit said now. There was no sign of insincerity. She just looked at him calmly, almost like she was talking about the weather. 

‘What the fuck?’ the hippo almost said out loud. ‘That’s got to be the dumbest-.‘ He paused when he saw the looks on the faces of some of the other cadets. 

They reacted in various ways. Only one laughed. One of those that didn’t laugh was the lion, and he hadn’t heard her because he wasn’t paying attention. The others were either amused, angry, or thoughtful. 

Lonix pointed to one of the thoughtful ones. “You, move the tarp.” The rhino got up, lumbered over, picked up one end of the tarp, and pulled it over the other end. 

This was the way Linux wanted it done, but as an instructor, he also wanted to see what his students would do when they didn’t have precise directions. The cadets didn’t mutter this time. Anyone could see they were excited, however. 

“Yes cadets. These are ‘weapons’,” the hippo said, using his paws to make air quotes. “They all shoot and/or stab. Mostly stab. At least one shooter would be better used as a club. Care to guess which one?” 

There were a dozen weapons now visible on the ground. Several types of shooters, from a tranquilizer pistol to a slug thrower to a couple of crossbows. One of the 'bows was cheaply made, but the other had been made with far better quality. There were also a large assortment of knives of varying quality. 

“That one sergeant,” the rabbit said, pointing to the inferior ‘bow. It was nearly as large as she was. 

“Yes, that’s right. Now what’s the first rule about projectile weapons like bows and slug throwers?” 

“They can all hurt you. Even the ones that are poorly made,” she said without pausing to think it over. 

‘Yes,’ the hippo thought, but did not say. “Always assume it’s dangerous. And if you can’t see the firing chamber or the flight grove, assume it’s loaded and ready to kill you.”

“Is it loaded?” The sergeant asked the class. 

They could all see there was no bolt and the cord wasn’t pulled back, so several shook their heads. 

“Crossbows require potential energy, which is then imparted as kinetic energy to the bolt. Is it ready to shoot?” 

“No sergeant,” the rabbit said. 

“Take care of that, would you?” He told her. She had been the only member of the class speaking, so the sergeant had to give her something else to do.


	3. End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little rabbit, big crossbows

One or two cadets laughed, but the rabbit merely jumped up and walked over to the tarp. She picked up a bolt, which looked like a spear in her paws, and set it down next to the crossbow. Then she pushed the handle toward the students, and the other end away from them, and sat down next to the weapon. 

While she worked, another cadet asked a question. “Why is there only one gunpowder weapon?” 

“Why is there only one gunpowder weapon, sergeant?” The hippo asked. The cadet blushed and then asked the question correctly. 

“It’s simple really. These are the most common. Most mammals don’t have ‘bang sticks’.” The hippo again made air quotes. “They just have these. Note how most are homemade. Not that other crossbow, but many of these projectile weapons were made in a garage; and many of these knives started out as eating utensils sharpened by rubbing on concrete in a prison. Bang sticks must be purchased or stolen. It’s not easy to get one unless you’re a member of the Armed Forces or one of us. Think about that, cadets. Criminals will kill you for your weapons, and that’s one reason why you won’t have lethal weapons until you’ve been on the job awhile.”

“Ready sergeant,” the rabbit said. 

The hippo had turned away from the tarp to answer the question, but now he turned back. The weapon was loaded. The rabbit could not carry it, and she looked, to the military historian hippo anyway, somewhat like an artillery mammal with what used to be called a ‘scorpion’. 

“So,,,, how far might this thing shoot?” The hippo asked, stalling for time. Meanwhile, he was thinking, ‘how did she do that?’ 

There was a pause as the other cadets realized they would actually have to participate in class today. One or two muttered some variation of "not far," but the instructor ignored them.

“Does anyone know what this sort of cheap shooter weapon is called?” The instructor asked. “NOT you, rabbit.”

“Saturday special, sergeant?” The lion didn’t sound very sure, and had probably gotten the information from a TV show rather than the textbook. 

“Saturday night special. Now pick it up, carefully, and aim at that tree over there. See if you can hit it.” The lion took the weapon from the rabbit, raised it to his hip, and pulled the lever on the handle as instructed, but the bolt went nowhere near the tree. In fact, it dropped at half the distance. 

The instructor then picked up the other crossbow, cocked, loaded, raised the weapon to his shoulder, aimed, and sent the bolt into the other tree. “Tell me. Which weapon scares you more?” 

“Depends on where you’re standing, sergeant,” the rabbit said. 

‘Not a wrong answer,’ he thought. ‘Because there isn't a wrong answer to that question. Too bad she’ll never make it past the giant / enormous criminal test.’

Then he had another thought. 'Maybe she could?' “Rabbit. See me after class.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for this portion of the story. I like to have separate stories rather than separate volumes or separate parts of a book.


	4. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Judy learns something useful

“Have you experienced the giant enormous criminal test yet?” The hippo asked.

“Yes sergeant. It did not go well,” the rabbit replied. She remembered trying to punch him in the leg, but he had kicked her into the corner of the ring as if she was merely an annoying soda can. 

“Of course. You don’t have enough mass. This is Friday, so you’re free after dinner. If you meet me in the boxing ring, I will give you some advice.”

Judy ate her meal with more than the usual distraction. ‘I hope he doesn’t say not to get kicked,’ she thought. All the cadets were released, and most of the others went home. 

Judy found the hippo at the boxing ring as promised. 

“Do you know what energy is, rabbit?” He was dressed the same as before, and not wearing pads, so this would not be an active lesson. Judy had not been especially looking forward to being thrown around on a full stomach. 

“Yes, sergeant. Kinetic energy is mass times the square of velocity,” Judy replied. Math was not her favorite subject, but she had been very attentive after the teacher had pointed out that the energy, and therefore the range and damage, of projectiles like bullets and arrows could be determined if you measured their mass and had a good estimate of their probable velocity. 

“Times one half,” the hippo replied. He had his hoofs on his hips again, and was pacing around the ring. "And potential energy?" 

“One half, right,” the rabbit said, now looking uncertain. She had not yet entered the ring. “The potential energy of a falling object is distance times mass times…”

“Jump on up here,” he invited. “I’ve been the giant enormous criminal in my time, and I’m going to show you something. 

“You are low mass, like all rabbits, squirrels, and other smaller mammals, so if you want to deliver high energy, to take out someone my size, for example, you need to either get more velocity or find a way to hold a large amount of energy and then release it all at once, or both.”

Judy thought about it. After several seconds, she said, “I need a weapon? That’s how we impart high velocities, and the energy is stored in either the gunpowder or-”

“No weapons, other than your brain. I’m talking about punching or kicking or possibly tackling, and cops don’t go around stabbing or shooting other mammals on a regular basis, or anyway, we shouldn’t. That sort of thing don’t look good,” the hippo said, and sighed. He was standing in the middle of the ring. “Now, tell me. How might you get moving fast in this ring?”

“I need distance to get going fast, but there isn’t much room and, well, you’re dominating most of it,” she said, looking around. 

“So, no running around,” the hippo said. “You probably tried that last time?”

The rabbit nodded, so he continued. “What else might you be able to use?” ‘Can’t she see it? It’s obvious to me….’ The hippo walked over and grabbed one of the ropes. “What does this remind you of?” He asked, flexing it.

“A rope,” the rabbit said. She still didn’t understand. 

“Yes. Haven’t you ever watched a wrestling match? This thing is like a giant rubber band. Can you see how you might use it?”

Judy paused, confused, but then the hippo saw her face change and she grabbed the lowest level rope. “It’s kind of springy. I guess I could get on it, or jump off of it. With enough practice.” Her voice trailed off, as she stared at the rope, and the hippo was reminded, again, of the size differences. The rope was tiny to him, but huge to her. 

“Well. Don’t let me delay you,” he said, and started to leave. “Unlike you, I’m already a cop and I don’t need to wreck my weekend, and probably get some bumps and bruises, learning fancy new skills.”

“Sergeant? Did you really want to be a ballerina?” The rabbit asked after the instructor had left the ring, but before he had walked very far toward the door. 

The hippo had not expected the question, but he found himself glad to know that she really had been paying attention. That skill would also be very useful for a cop. “Trapeze,” he replied and put up his hooves as if grasping a bar. 

“I became too heavy when I got older,” he said, putting his hooves down and shrugging. “The safety nets would not have saved my life had I fallen, and circus tents are not strong enough for something of my mass to go swinging around.”

“I guess I can see that. Thanks,” she said to him. “Sorry.” 

“Eh,” he said. “I haven’t thought about it in years.”

The hippo walked toward the door. He heard her first attempt to bounce off the ropes. She didn’t get it right, but she got back up and tried again. “Make us proud,” he said softly when he was nearly out of the gym. He knew the rabbit would hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was originally more here about kinetics and kinematics, but then I realized Judy has no reason to talk that way and the hippo probably wouldn't.....


End file.
